Secrets to a Key-os-ki Marriage

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Pictured above: Newlyweds on 9/9/06.

Four years ago today, I became Mrs. Jenna Kujawski (Key-os-ki for those who are still curious). But don’t worry, I answer to just about any form of the last name (or first), including, but not limited to, Ku-jaw-ski, Ku-jowl-ski, Ka-wa-sa-ki, Mrs. K, Jenna K, Mike Wazowski, Dirtclaude, Ninna, and Brock’s favorite — Jenna-tell-ya. Yes, I go by a lot of different names.

And, in four years of marriage, I’ve also learned a lot about compromise. I’ve learned that men and women are wired completely differently, but that’s okay, because it’s both a mystery and a challenge to see how each day gives us new opportunities to find ways to cohabitate peacefully together.

So, I thought I’d do myself a favor and share all (well, all 20) of the secrets to our happy little marriage. Maybe if I write these down now I won’t forget what actually works!

  1. I wanted 12 barn cats. Brady wanted one. We have four. When Mouse dies, I don’t think I’m allowed to replace her.
  2. Brady never wanted Massey to be allowed inside. I wanted her to be allowed both inside and out. The black dog hairs throughout the house should tell you who won this one. But she is NOT allowed in the bed. I do have boundaries people.
  3. I hate watching golf and other boring sports on TV. Brady hates watching anything on the CW. We watch crime shows instead.
  4. Brady has questioned the purpose and need for every animal on our farm. But we’re up to 23, so I must be convincing. Besides, when I catch him petting a donkey or holding a cat and say, “Ah, see, you do like them,” he responds with, “No, they like me.”
  5. I wanted to assign specific chores to each of us. Brady wanted a free-for-all. Now I just nag Brady to help me with the chores.
  6. When the Cowboys play the Colts, I wear blue and try to keep my mouth shut. I’m not very good at this.
  7. If Brady starts dinner, I let him finish. No meddling.
  8. I surprise Brady with a case of beer from time to time. Or a handle of Forty Creek. Or new underwear.
  9. I don’t let him win at anything. He doesn’t let me win at anything. We like competition.
  10. I argue in points. Brady hates it when I argue in points. He says I’m a) talking to him like a child, b) trying to use my lawyer-talk on him and c) trying to be condescending. I’m just trying to make a point (or three).
  11. I don’t iron.
  12. Brady has a jeep. Enough said.
  13. Brady hates it when I leave the milk out in between bowels of cereal. I hate it when he leaves the laundry in the dryer for days. Both of these things happened this week.
  14. Brady has his own bathroom. I don’t clean it. Neither does he.
  15. I like the temperature on 78-79. Brady likes it on 74-75. We keep it on 76-77.
  16. I like my toilet paper to roll from the top. Brady likes it to roll from the bottom. Brady doesn’t usually replace the toilet paper.
  17. I pay the bills. All of them. Brady doesn’t even know all the accounts and passwords to access them. I keep a spreadsheet of them just in case. Brady doesn’t know where that spreadsheet is.
  18. Brady is a better gift wrapper than I am, so I let him do it.
  19. When I’m cold, Brady gets up to either get me a blanket or turn down the temperature. I never even have to ask.
  20. And, finally. I know every birthday and every anniversary on both sides of the family. I try to keep Brady up-to-date so he can look like the loving son/brother/uncle/friend/etc. Sometimes I do fall down on the job. I’m only human people.

655 words. Sorry.