Today I’m talking about motherhood. Because it is so rewarding and so gut-wrenching all at the same time.
My daughter started Pre-K last week, and handled it like a champ, as expected.
I was fine too, for the most part.
I was happy there were no tears. Happy for her to have this experience. Excited for this next step for her. And a little sad.
Sad for me mainly. Because even though my two kids are still really little, I’m already starting to get a real glimpse into what is to come.
She’s only four, and I am already starting to have to let her go.
Kinda sucks. I thought I had at least 10 years before I had to worry myself with this.
But for the first time in her little life, she didn’t seem so little. She didn’t seem so needy. And she just seemed ready. Ready for me to let her go.
And that makes me sad.
But, I can sit here and cry about it, or choose to enjoy these moments as she continues to get older, grow more independent, and need me less.
I can let her know that she will always be my little girl, no matter what.
You see, months before I knew I’d be sending her off to Pre-K, I worked with an awesome hand-stamped and artisan jewelry designer out of Austin on a little surprise for Kassidy…and for me.
Melissa with Malisay Designs took my ideas and created a set of custom mother/daughter bracelets that perfectly reflected the relationship between me and Kassidy and our style for accessories. I chose to inscribe mine with the word “always” and Kassidy’s with the word “forever.” It’s two words we use a lot of in this house, and two words that Kassidy and I use a lot when we say our “I love yous” to each other.
The night before her first day of school, I surprised her with her box. We opened our gifts together, and she was so excited to have a bracelet just like Mommy. I told her that when I missed her during the day, I’d look down at my bracelet and remember her, and feel happy again. She told me that when she got sad and missed me, she’d look at her bracelet and feel joy in her heart (her words, seriously).
We hugged. I cried.
And then I read her these words:
“You’ve waited so long
And it’s finally time,
It’s your first day of school
And you’ll be just fine.
Wear this to think of me
Throughout the day,
I will do the same
Knowing you are okay.
And then we both hugged again. And my hubby told us to get a room.
And now, on her sixth day of school, we’ve both worn our bracelets every day. Me to work. Her to school.
And she’ll come home from a wonderful day and remind me that she wasn’t sad today because she would look down at her bracelet and think of me.
So, even though I’m slowly letting go, I’m also keeping her so very close to me.
And that makes this Mommy very happy.