I’m sorry for being sorry

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I'm sorry for being sorry

You know that moment in a job interview where you’re asked, “What’s your greatest weakness?” and we all blurt out something generic like, “I’m a perfectionist.” Well, it’s only taken me 33+ years to realize it, but I honestly have a major weakness – I’m a chronic apologizer.

I’ve been doing it my entire life, apologizing for getting good grades in high school, for being smart, for knowing the answer, for having self confidence, for being damn good at my job, for having a well-mannered dog, for having two adorable children, for having a beautiful home. All of it. I’ve said I was sorry for all the good things in my life before saying anything else.

Well I’ve had an epiphany. I’ve realized I apologize because I don’t want others to feel bad or for them to think I gloat. But the thing is, the majority of the people that offer a sweet or encouraging word are doing so out of complete love for me. Why should I feel sorry for that? And for those with a less-than-desirable motive? Screw ’em. I shouldn’t downplay my successes, my happy things, my blessings to make others feel more comfortable.

So.

I’m not sorry.

I’m not sorry for being an awesome boss. For directing an entire communications department in my mid-20s. For putting in the effort, owning my responsibility, earning my title, making tough decisions, and putting up with a lot of crap – too much crap.

I’m not sorry for having an amazing dog. She pretty much kicks ass. She doesn’t bark. She doesn’t jump. She minds her manners. She rides in the back of the truck. Unloads on command. Never runs off. And, no, I’m not just lucky. My hubby and I spent a lot of time training her in those puppy years. We were consistent with our expectations, and she responded with love and obedience. We shaped her into the loving companion she is today.

I’m not sorry for having well-mannered kids (most of the time). People actually like to be around them, so that’s a good thing. They’re cute. They behave. They’re respectful. They’re disciplined for their actions. And contrary to the “Oh, it’s just luck. Just wait till you have another one” lines that I get quite often, I honestly think that’s crap. Yes, part of it is personality, but the other part – the part nobody talks about – is good parenting. And while good parenting is exhausting at times, and hard, it’s worth it to see that you’re actually having a positive impact on two adorable little lives.

I’m not sorry for the life I’ve built. I live in my dream home. With my cutie-patootie hubby and two kids. On 28 acres. With a tree house that would make any grown adult jealous and the space to raise our kids with the country lifestyle and principles I learned as a child. And we built this little sanctuary in the country after several hard years of sacrifice, sweat, tears and poison ivy. We did with less early in our marriage so that we could save for our dream. This life. And I am proud of it.

So, I’m done apologizing for all that I’ve worked so hard for in this life. For all that I’ve earned. For being told that my successes are just luck.

So.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for apologizing for things I should be proud of. Sorry for pretending my successes are luck. Sorry for lessening the life that my hubby and I have sacrificed and worked so hard to build.

Sorry for ever feeling sorry to begin with.

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